goodness.. it's been some time since i've posted much of anything here, again. i'm enamoured of myspace, what can i say? so, if you really want to know what's going on in my life, and you have a myspace, let me know and i'll add you. but for now, i'm going to try to post a huge update.
i'm not sure how far back to go, so, i may jump around a bit.
mm.. there were a couple of guys in my life in some capacity that made me less inclined to be masochistic and keep up with things here actively. i mean, i still read the posts i can see on my friend page, but, things happened.. and for the best, it turns out. turns out all i really needed was a little patience and faith instead of another man at that time. something hindsight has granted me clarity on.
almost four years ago, i met the most wonderful man. he was coming to the states to stay with my Jess-jess for the summer, and as she had to be out of town the first weekend after he arrived, she asked me to come stay at her house so he wouldn't be on his own. turns out to be the best thing i ever did. a couple of months before he came down, though, we started talking actively on the old white wolf html chats, and then, when i first saw him, i knew. that was the one i had been looking for for so long. i hardly knew him, but that feeling was there.. i really can't explain the way i knew this.. but it was a certainty in my heart, and it's the thing i followed over the next fourish years.
we've had ups and downs. there was a period of time when we were "on break", and it was a really hard time for me. but it was necessary for us to know what we really wanted, i guess. or maybe, it was necessary for him.. all i know is it lasted for fiveish months, and i was miserable for it. during this time, he came to visit for a couple of months as a really good friend, though to me it felt like much more than that. it was a turning point for me, and when i knew i was ready for the next step. we talked about marriage a little, and the following year, on new year's, he made it clear that he wanted to marry me. couldn't have made me happier, that.
we continued to see eachother a couple times a year for the next year and a half, and the last visit over he made (which was his fifth or sixth, i think) we were wed. December 7, 2007. I have a pendant around my neck that his mother bought for me (with a matching one for him) that has his name and our wedding date inscribed on it. i haven't taken it off but two or three times since he put it around my neck. it's something i find myself touching often, as a reassurance and happy reminder.
in july this year, i went to the netherlands to see him and meet his family. it felt like i was finally coming home.. i mean, truly home. i've felt a homecoming sense before several times, as if in different stages in my life i was where i needed to be at that time. but this time? it made everything else pale in comparison. i spent two weeks there, which wasn't anywhere near long enough, and came to discover that my mother-in-law also felt as if we'd known each other for years. it's a wonderful feeling, that.
now, during this trip, actually.. just before i made the trip, my eldestspawn came back to live with me after several bad stunts at her dad's and him being unable and/or unwilling to deal with them. so, while i was gone, she and the twins stayed at my sister's.. and it was a good experience for all of them. the kids haven't really been together for any length of time past a day or two for six years.. and they got to spend the summer together. they reforged their childhood relationships and turned them into something stronger than ever. something they will all be able to fall back on for the rest of their lives.
she's been with me since, and we're finally getting to where we know what to expect of eachother, and how to deal with eachother as well.
fifty two days ago, i began counting down the time til the next visit with my husband. he arrives in exactly two weeks.. and i'm on pins and needles, just bouncing and on edge with anticipation of being able to wrap him up in my arms again. the separations are hard, and each subsequent one is harder than the one before. saying til-i-see-you-again is the hardest thing, and really takes its toll on me. but for now, i'm looking forward to three months with him. he'll be here for the eldestspawn's and the twins' birthdays, our first anniversary, and our fifth christmas and new year together. it's a milestone year all the way around.
my mom says we should really sit down and talk about our immediate (next two years) plans this visit. I agree.. we have a lot we need to discuss and plan out. see, the kids and i (though maybe not the eldest) will be moving to the netherlands, hopefully at the end of the twins' third grade year. that's the plan right now, as it stands. there are lots of things to do before then, though, and i'm waiting for the tax return in february to come back so that i can get started on them. getting replacement copies of my marriage certificates from the first two marriages, and of both sets of my divorce papers.. then i have to send them all off to the department of state to get apostile's seals placed on them for authentication. i'm not sure how long these seals are good for just yet, though.. so a little more research is necessary. i need to get the twins' passports.. and my british passport, as that will make working in europe much easier for me than my american passport will do. i need to buy the rosetta stone series for dutch, volumes one and two, so that the kids and i can get a basis in knowledge of the language, to give us at least a small leg up on living and working/going to school in a country where english is not the first language.
there are more things, i'm sure.. but i can't think what they are at the moment.
but for now, that's where things in my life stand. i want to move back to dallas next year to better save money up for the move to holland, but i'm not sure if that's going to be possible right now, or if i'm going to just have to find a second job to be able to save money.. more to think on there. things are interestingly turning into the adventure of a lifetime for me.. and with the man my heart calls husband at my side, anything will be possible.
ask questions if you want.. i know there was more i wanted to say, but couldn't think of at the moment. i'll answer whatever you want to know. and while i don't promise to make more posts here, i do promise to keep up with you all.. though i should try to post more, so that i'm not forgotten forever. LOL.