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oh happy day [16 Jul 2012|11:24am]
Happy Birtday, Birdling *hugs*
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someone.. somewhere.. lost their way [15 Jul 2012|05:09am]
[ mood | restless ]

Mm.. I'm still here. Long after any point where I thought I wouldn't be. Not -here- here. But here.

sheep aren't the only things to lose their way

not sure i've found it, yet.. but I think, maybe.. the path onward might be on the horizon

it's all in flux. Rearranging and rewriting ways of thinking to face the past, deal with it.. accept that it happened, and learn what can be learned from it.

and maybe.. my den is still where I left it

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ten fourteen oh-nine [14 Oct 2009|07:01am]
so much going on the past few months. i should reread the few entries i made in that time before posting again to avoid rehashing, but i'm sleepy and can't be bothered right now.

i've been having problems with my blood pressure since july. it keeps dropping, and has been staying in much lower ranges than usual, low enough that my doctor is now messing with my psych meds to see if taking me off of them one at a time won't help bring it up. i've come off of one of them right now, and am starting to feel a slight difference, but not so much of a difference as i would be feeling if there was something going on that would trigger a situational depression. thank goodness for that. still, i'm supposed to tell the doctor of that, and to stop taking the second medication when that gets to an unbearable point. so we'll see. in the least, we may find that changing up my psych meds helps in other areas, like, lessening the number of pills i swallow on a daily basis.. which would be wonderful. dr. rush had mentioned that the drugs i was on were duplicating therapies. i told him i did -not- want to come off of the abilify. we were of an accord, and are working from there. sadly, it doesn't seem to be helping my blood pressure.. which was the point of taking me off of one of my meds at a time in the first place.

secondly, bronwyn's pregnancy took a bad turn in september, as she developed pih *pregnancy induced hypertension*. several trips into the hopsital with a couple of them over night for this, led to two weeks of bed rest which did little to no good at home, and eventully led to three visit to the clinic a week. finally, we made a last trip to the hospital on the (i want to say the twenty-first, but it was probably on the) nineteenth of september, when they hospitalized her for the remainder of her pregnancy. her pih turned into preeclampsia.. and one thing led to another, eventually culminating in the baby being born on the twenty-sixth by ceserean.

after eleven days, colinmichael got to come home. yesterday, he had his two week check up (when he was 17 days old) and has gained weight. he's now 5 lbs and 1.5 ounces, and 18 1/2 inches long!

the twins are staying with my sister in dallas til the end of the month, right now. they're in school, and seem to be enjoying it. their cousins are really loving having them there, as are my sister and stephen. i miss them terribly, but with all the time i had been spending up at the hospital, and the time bronwyn and the baby need to get settled at home, it was for the best for now. they'll be home soon. we'll be going to pick them up the same time we go to pick jeroen up from the airport.. and that day is getting closer and closer.

psst.. just incase you're interested, i have pics of ColinMichael posted at http://s587.photobucket.com/albums/ss315/StaticBetweenChannels/ColinMichael/
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catching up for Miss Princess Lori Ma'am [19 Oct 2008|09:44pm]
goodness.. it's been some time since i've posted much of anything here, again. i'm enamoured of myspace, what can i say? so, if you really want to know what's going on in my life, and you have a myspace, let me know and i'll add you. but for now, i'm going to try to post a huge update.

i'm not sure how far back to go, so, i may jump around a bit.

mm.. there were a couple of guys in my life in some capacity that made me less inclined to be masochistic and keep up with things here actively. i mean, i still read the posts i can see on my friend page, but, things happened.. and for the best, it turns out. turns out all i really needed was a little patience and faith instead of another man at that time. something hindsight has granted me clarity on.

almost four years ago, i met the most wonderful man. he was coming to the states to stay with my Jess-jess for the summer, and as she had to be out of town the first weekend after he arrived, she asked me to come stay at her house so he wouldn't be on his own. turns out to be the best thing i ever did. a couple of months before he came down, though, we started talking actively on the old white wolf html chats, and then, when i first saw him, i knew. that was the one i had been looking for for so long. i hardly knew him, but that feeling was there.. i really can't explain the way i knew this.. but it was a certainty in my heart, and it's the thing i followed over the next fourish years.

we've had ups and downs. there was a period of time when we were "on break", and it was a really hard time for me. but it was necessary for us to know what we really wanted, i guess. or maybe, it was necessary for him.. all i know is it lasted for fiveish months, and i was miserable for it. during this time, he came to visit for a couple of months as a really good friend, though to me it felt like much more than that. it was a turning point for me, and when i knew i was ready for the next step. we talked about marriage a little, and the following year, on new year's, he made it clear that he wanted to marry me. couldn't have made me happier, that.

we continued to see eachother a couple times a year for the next year and a half, and the last visit over he made (which was his fifth or sixth, i think) we were wed. December 7, 2007. I have a pendant around my neck that his mother bought for me (with a matching one for him) that has his name and our wedding date inscribed on it. i haven't taken it off but two or three times since he put it around my neck. it's something i find myself touching often, as a reassurance and happy reminder.

in july this year, i went to the netherlands to see him and meet his family. it felt like i was finally coming home.. i mean, truly home. i've felt a homecoming sense before several times, as if in different stages in my life i was where i needed to be at that time. but this time? it made everything else pale in comparison. i spent two weeks there, which wasn't anywhere near long enough, and came to discover that my mother-in-law also felt as if we'd known each other for years. it's a wonderful feeling, that.

now, during this trip, actually.. just before i made the trip, my eldestspawn came back to live with me after several bad stunts at her dad's and him being unable and/or unwilling to deal with them. so, while i was gone, she and the twins stayed at my sister's.. and it was a good experience for all of them. the kids haven't really been together for any length of time past a day or two for six years.. and they got to spend the summer together. they reforged their childhood relationships and turned them into something stronger than ever. something they will all be able to fall back on for the rest of their lives.

she's been with me since, and we're finally getting to where we know what to expect of eachother, and how to deal with eachother as well.

fifty two days ago, i began counting down the time til the next visit with my husband. he arrives in exactly two weeks.. and i'm on pins and needles, just bouncing and on edge with anticipation of being able to wrap him up in my arms again. the separations are hard, and each subsequent one is harder than the one before. saying til-i-see-you-again is the hardest thing, and really takes its toll on me. but for now, i'm looking forward to three months with him. he'll be here for the eldestspawn's and the twins' birthdays, our first anniversary, and our fifth christmas and new year together. it's a milestone year all the way around.

my mom says we should really sit down and talk about our immediate (next two years) plans this visit. I agree.. we have a lot we need to discuss and plan out. see, the kids and i (though maybe not the eldest) will be moving to the netherlands, hopefully at the end of the twins' third grade year. that's the plan right now, as it stands. there are lots of things to do before then, though, and i'm waiting for the tax return in february to come back so that i can get started on them. getting replacement copies of my marriage certificates from the first two marriages, and of both sets of my divorce papers.. then i have to send them all off to the department of state to get apostile's seals placed on them for authentication. i'm not sure how long these seals are good for just yet, though.. so a little more research is necessary. i need to get the twins' passports.. and my british passport, as that will make working in europe much easier for me than my american passport will do. i need to buy the rosetta stone series for dutch, volumes one and two, so that the kids and i can get a basis in knowledge of the language, to give us at least a small leg up on living and working/going to school in a country where english is not the first language.

there are more things, i'm sure.. but i can't think what they are at the moment.

but for now, that's where things in my life stand. i want to move back to dallas next year to better save money up for the move to holland, but i'm not sure if that's going to be possible right now, or if i'm going to just have to find a second job to be able to save money.. more to think on there. things are interestingly turning into the adventure of a lifetime for me.. and with the man my heart calls husband at my side, anything will be possible.

ask questions if you want.. i know there was more i wanted to say, but couldn't think of at the moment. i'll answer whatever you want to know. and while i don't promise to make more posts here, i do promise to keep up with you all.. though i should try to post more, so that i'm not forgotten forever. LOL.
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Writer's Block: Chinese New Year [05 Feb 2008|06:52am]
year of the Ox for me, and gemini to boot
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with thanks to catnik [03 Aug 2007|10:25am]
Pirate Monkey's Harry Potter Personality Quiz
Harry Potter Personality Quiz
by Pirate Monkeys Inc.
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it was tommyomega's fault [14 May 2007|05:18pm]
Your results:
You are Mystique
Dark Phoenix
The Joker
Mr. Freeze
Poison Ivy
Lex Luthor
Dr. Doom
Green Goblin
Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

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[14 Mar 2007|09:35am]
this just amused me

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I'm scared... [02 Dec 2006|08:17am]

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[27 Nov 2006|08:56am]
back to reality

last night was a reminder of how hectic my life actually gets, with the dinner-bath-bedtime ritual of my normal evenings. it was exasperating, and somehow soothing at the same time, to know that things were just like they were supposed to be. while i enjoyed my time away, i really did miss my children. (and j.. mustn't forget how much i missed j.)

now that thanksgiving is over with, it's the time of year when you get to tell the kids that santa is coming at the -end- of december.. not the same night as you put the christmas tree up. yes, we put our little bitty tree up last night. it's cute, in that miniature way small things have. covered in blue and silver icicles, snowflakes and bells. i only wish the lights that it came strung with were white instead of multicolored.. not that the twins mind.

the cat seems to have staked out beneath the tree as his own personal spot, which is better than him trying to bat the directions off of it this year. of course, this year's tree is much smaller than last year's.. so i think he's figured out that climbing it isn't an option. still.. he looks cute curled up on the table under it. his gray fur looks all matching with the blue and silver theme.

other than that..life marches on. i have cleaning to do, because somehow, even without people being around, the house manages to get dirty. or maybe i'm just getting anal about cleaning again. my therapist thinks i'm ocd about it. i'm not.. really, i'm not. ask j how much cleaning i did when he was here last and you'll know i'm not. though, i do tend to clean more when it's just me here than when i have people to entertain.. i guess that's because cleaning is a way to work through things and stave off boredom for me. hmm..

so, back to the grind-stone it is. i must buckle down and find work. i have to get my paperwork together this week to register in the state of arkansas for the right to be a pharmacy technician in this state, because apparently having national certification just isn't good enough for this backwater place. imagine that.
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11-26-06 [27 Nov 2006|08:56am]
in a nut shell

okay.. so now, i am back from the trip to virginia. it was a nice relaxing holiday.. nothing special, really. just.. nice. i did alot of watching people play video games, which was actually entertaining (and not at all as boring as it sounds.. the key is the conversations that go along with the watching.) thanksgiving itself was a quiet night spent with new friends and generally just being content with life as it was in the moment.

i managed to answer some personal questions that have been weighing heavily on me the past few months, particularly the last month.. won't go any further in to those other than to say things are as they should be now.

there were a few things i forgot, though.. such as.. half of morgan's medications, all of my medications, and the simple letting-people-know that i was indeed traveling out of state to a non-family location for the holiday afterall... i really am sorry for having worried those that i did.. with j being the one i'm most sorry for having worried.

i honestly did think i'd told everyone that i was actually going

all that aside, though.. i'm back now..(after having been not picked up at the airport by my ex like i was supposed to have been.. oooooh, the prick. "i looked at the time and realized i was s upposed to be at the airport, so i called your sister and they're on their way".. all that after i'd called my sister when i didn't see anyone there to pick me up in the first place. stupid lego-head.) and well tired. it'll be an early night once the twins are in bed.. and tomorrow, i'll be cleaning the house up since it's been a week since anything was done.

oh, by the by.. the cat was wonderfully well behaved on his own. getting him fixed was the best thing ever for instances like this.. and he was so happy to see us all back home, too.

so alls well that ends well.. and here's hoping december moves along quickly.. because i really can't wait to see j at the end of the month
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[18 Nov 2006|09:08am]
since i've done a great job of screwing things up lately, and don't want to say too much about it.. i bring you this.. ganked from several sources.

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

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stuff [15 Nov 2006|04:39pm]
i didn't sleep too well last night, waking up repeatedly between eleven and one-thirty. i finally decided to get up and attempt getting the plane ticket for next week. luck was with me; the ticket at the lowest price i'd seen was still available. so, i got it.

today has been a long day full of nothing. i should have napped, seeing as rainy days are perfect for that.. but i decided to send emails off here and there, and watch Memoirs of a Geisha. (excellent movie, by the way). i mostly spent the day watching the clock for two p.m to go pick up the turtleboy from school. that, and waiting for msn to stop being a bitchwhore and decide to let me actually send messages.

so now, it's three-forty, and i'm sitting in a house with the turtleboy and the neighbor's kid running rampant through the house. i think i'll take some ibuprofen for the growing headache, and see how quickly i can hurry the rest of the day along.
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[14 Nov 2006|06:37pm]
the turtleboy has been home the past two days with what i originally thought was just pink-eye. the earliest i could get an appointment for him was three in the afternoon today. so i was thinking we'd go in and get some eyedrops to take care of it..and be all done.

then his eye went from pink to its normal white over the course of yesterday, but he woke up with a killer headache, stuffed sinuses, and a horrible cough. i had no idea if it was just sinuses playing hell with him, or something else.. so we kept the appointment with the doctor.

what we learned was: the turtleboy has an ear infection due to non-draining sinuses backing stuff up into his inner-ear.. a viral cold.. -and- conjunctivitis (pink-eye). no wonder the poor boy's been so tetchy the past two days.

he's on eyedrops for the pink-eye.. a strong decongestant for the sinuses and cough to prevent a recurring ear infection.. and antibiotics for the ear. i'm half relieved, and half shaking my head. american doctors are all for prescribing drugs for things that will clear up over time..like ear infections. I don't really agree with that unless they're really really bad ones. but with his sinuses playing the hell they are with him, i'm thinking it best to cover bases and get him well again as quickly as possible. pros and cons, neh?

then there's the mp-three player. i was stupid enough to leave the car unlocked last night, and someone walked off with my mp-three player.. and my favorite car mix disc.

i feel so stupid for that.. and tired about everything else.

on top of that, chuck is out of reach for fleet week, and i'll find out tomorrow if i'm going to virginia or not for thanksgiving.

j calls every day, though. *mrrrrs*.. wonderful phone conversations with him. so this week won't be so long.. and i'll be able to talk to j without watching the clock for when chuck's next call would be. yay.

just what you wanted to know, right?
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weekend update [13 Nov 2006|09:24am]
and so, it was a really busy weekend for me. after an hour and a half drive to drop the twins off with their father, and another seven and a half hours driving with two stops for gas, i finally got to memphis somewhere just after three-thirty in the morning. which means i got there an hour and a half earlier than i expected to. yay!

i couldn't remember what house it was, though.. so i had to do a little backtracking for a payphone.. and woke steven up to make sure of exactly where on the street he lived.. but after that, i got there safe and sound, changed into comfy pjs, and happily crashed until nine in the morning. i think maybe steven could have strangled me for being up that early after he'd had barely any sleep for three nights running.. at least, if it had been reversed, i would have strangled him. *lol*

saturday consisted of a trip to the mall, where we spent more money than we expected, but found a great trading card game of world of warcraft.. i want my own deck for it.. i had much fun having my ass handed to me on a platter each round we played. it really was fun.

after the mall, we headed out one of the casinos in mississippi, where we lost ourselves for a couple of hours looking for a specific sort of slot machine to use a free five dollar coupon for.. and playing blackjack. well..steven played blackjack..i just had fun watching him play.

we went back to his place after that.. and i think we took a nap, but i really can't remember.. after a while, we were watching college football with his stepdad.. and then we had dinner.. and then we played WoW cardgame.. and his best friend b.j. came over for a while.. through which i mostly slept throught.. i just couldn't keep my eyes open any more.

and.. at one in the morning, we were woken up to go help the family roll sunday papers for delivery. i am pretty damn sure that i looked more tired than i felt.. but you know what? while i could certainly -not- have a paper delivery job myself.. helping roll the papers was actually fun.. and it -was- actually work. but when you get into a rhythm, it gets easier.

backtracking a bit.. i got a call from my eldest-spawn on friday..she was telling me about what she and her stepmother had been doing all day.. my baby girl got her first perm. i could have cried to hear that..her beautiful straight hair, all curlified.... i really want to see pics of it, though.

so, the eldest turned fourteen (and i'm still alive.. it didn't kill me to know how old i've gotten and how fast time has passed.) i spent the weekend with a great friend and realized i just can't keep up with the younger crowd. which is amusing to me..because i really enjoyed myself, even though i am so tired right now. and i got to drive for somewhere around fifteen hours in total. (i love me some driving)

yay for fun! yay for friends! yay for spawn getting a year older. the break was great, and much needed.. and now..if things go according to plan, i'll be getting my plane ticket this wednesday, and then looking forward to flying to virginia for thanksgiving.
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picky kid/ sunshiney kid.. and travel abounding [09 Nov 2006|01:18pm]
today seems to be an end to the excessive dead-tiredness of the past week and a half. seems that this month, my pms included draining me of all energy and caused me to become mostly dead all day. i feel great.. wide awake and full of energy. here's hoping next month doesn't do the same thing to me.

the turtleboy is going back to being a picky eater..this time about certain spices and textures. anything with even a little bit of pepper in it is off his food list.. and mostly crunchy things currently, as well. hopefully this won't last too long with him.. but seeing as we've been dealing with a rash of full out fits with him, i'm not sure i'll be so lucky. well..i'll probably be lucky, but it's entirely like me to prepare for the worst, and be surprised by anything better than that.

the little diva drew a picture last night and demanded of me that it be mailed to her aunties jess-jess and fayne. so, like a good mother, i folded the picture up and put it into an envelope with a little letter, and mailed it off today. she'll be happy to know i did that.. and really, for the diva, little things make her all sunshiney and happy.

beyond that, i'm going to memphis this weekend to see steven. legohead will be taking the twins.. meeting me at the half way point, which will add an additional three hours to a normally-sixish hour drive. i figure i'll be pulling in to memphis at around five a.m. saturday morning.

much fun there. and lots to look forward to.. memphis this weekend, virginia in two weeks.. visits from chuck and j in december and january. squeeee!

just makes me all sorts of happy.
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cross-posted from myspace: to the cat cave.. [09 Nov 2006|07:49am]
i still can't pinpoint what's triggered this need for sleep that i've developed. a four hour nap this morning wasn't long enough, even after a full night of sleep and being up only for two hours before i laid back down again. i would have napped again, except that i had to do laundry so that the twins would have clothes for school tomorrow.

and so, tonight will likely be an early night.

i learned the other day that the kitty fits in the microwave. and before you ask, i did -not- shove him in there to explode him after some sufficiently irritating behavior on his part. what happened was simply this.. i was going to put a cold cup of coffee into the microwave to heat it up. i opened the machine up, and realized that i'd left the cup on the other counter, and turned around to get it. when i turned back, there was the cat.. stepping into the microwave, turning around, and curling up comfortably.

he wouldn't come out on his own, so.. i shut the door on him, and waited a few minutes. i opened the door again and crooned at him to coax him out.. and he lay there, staring at me with his green-kitty eyes. so.. i shut the door again and waited five-ish minutes before opening it up again. i finally resorted to pulling him out by a foreleg and his tail.. it was all i could get a really good hold on to pull him out.

i never did get to drinking that coffee.. but now i have to watch the cat whenever i'm using the microwave for anything, and i have to remember to not leave the door open if i need to turn my back on it.

this, for some reason, amuses me.
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[21 Mar 2006|06:00am]
It's been a busy past few days. Saturday consisted of driving to Mississippi in rain for most of the trip, to pick up my Day. Sunday was the-twins-are-going-crazy day. Monday was meetings and errands.. and so far, we've managed to watch a bajillion movies, clean house, clear out the master bedroom properly where there is now a floor to be seen, and steam clean the carpet. (*mrr* I -do- so love my carpet cleaner.)

Much fun, really. Just tiring.. tiring in that best-sex-ever way, only without the sex.
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[05 Mar 2006|05:32pm]
Miss Princess Lori Ma'am! You prolly won't want to see this one. *giggling Bear*

so don't clicky hereCollapse )
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with thanks to catnik [17 Feb 2006|10:39am]

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23®
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